P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
