A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
