It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
