Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
