He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
