for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
