Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
