I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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