3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
