Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
