yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
