yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
