oh god the rape fog is back!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
