i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
