the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
