my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Drunk is not a location!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
