the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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