So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
