yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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