things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
