I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
