am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
