there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
this will be a night to untag.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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