four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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