ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
