I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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