NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
