ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They took my balls.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
