we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
