Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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