he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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