mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
