I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think i have two assholes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
