elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Drake has all the answers
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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