the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
operation have a gay friend backfired
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
