So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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