Just fell off a train. Bad.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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