If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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