i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
