That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
