Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
