they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
