Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
