we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
