Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
