so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
