and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
