I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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