hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
