saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My ass is underappreciated
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
