yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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