I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
